I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
