My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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