Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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