I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
