i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
