we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize