So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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