Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
