Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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