fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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