So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
