Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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