He is an equal opportunity slut.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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