before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
