Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
