When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
