I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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