just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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