I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
