U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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