I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
