my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
