Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
