I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
