I don't remember. Are we still dating?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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