We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They took my balls.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
