god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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