When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
