then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I sprained my soul last night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
