So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
