i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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