why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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