Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
