Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
