He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
