how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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