So drunk, too bad you don't want this
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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