Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
