I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
