Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
