So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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