working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
