Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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