How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
meet me or not, i'm out of control
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
