We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
