I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
