carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
