Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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