i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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