i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
