they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
