We need to start having sex underwater more often.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
