Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
