yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
