I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
