I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
