there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
