i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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