Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
