Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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