Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
