Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
how does that bad decision feel?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
