I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
